The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
