at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
