dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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