I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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