Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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