help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
