How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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