woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
