You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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