I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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