He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
