pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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