Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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