Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
