So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
