All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
