i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
