Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
