Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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