You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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