she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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