my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
