there's paper in my vomit.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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