I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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