all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
