it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
