i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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