so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We're too hungover to prance.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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