New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
