I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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