sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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