Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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