He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
