so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish you could order shots online.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's even glitter on my cock...
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