Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
