I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
