Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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