These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
