If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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