SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
