ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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