Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
