Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
