Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
