What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
