If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
