i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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