I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
