apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
