There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
