just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
