I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.