I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .