It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba