we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat