Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.