kristin has been a bad kristin
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.