i think my tv is drunk
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize