I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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