Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
