trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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