Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
