I will die if light touches me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
