Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
