Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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