There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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