I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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