I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
