I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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