Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
