after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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