I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So much rum. So many feels.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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