I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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