I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
