do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
