I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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