dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
