The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
