I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize