Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
