But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
