Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My vagina is officially offended.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
