if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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