So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I party with great urgency now.
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