forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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